What has happened to my bodily functions???

 

Okay my fellow 50 somethings.  Admit it, the station wagon brings back memories doesn’t it? I remember jumping from seat to seat and fighting with my sisters.  I could jump fast enough that my mom couldn’t catch me and backhand me.  Now I can hardly crawl into the car with the door wide open and a spring on my ass to push me.

I remember the 3rd seat.  Sitting facing backwards and making faces at cars behind us and thinking we were soooo funny.   Good clean fun.

I actually had to drive the “family wagon” when I first got my license.  It was so embarrassing but hey, I had wheels.  After my 3rd “accident” of hitting a school bus, I realized it was a good thing I had a tank to drive.   Maybe my parents knew something I didn’t.   I know a few people who think I should probably still have the wagon.  


Staying home is starting to be my new plan.   We recently made a SATURDAY trip to Costco.  Have you ever been to Costco on a Saturday??  First of all I was with 3 close family members that will remain nameless and were either way hungover or maybe still drunk.  The place was packed and I had no clue where anything was.  Every time we came to the end of an aisle, someone would come around the corners and run into us.  (Or maybe we were running into them.).  My hubby was throwing things in the cart as fast as I could put things back on the shelves.  AND they didn’t have the one thing I needed.  CHEESECAKE!  I finally walked to the end of an aisle and stood there watching the chaos.  It scared me!    If I could have found a place to lay in the fetal position, I would have.  But I couldn’t find a spring to push my ass up on a shelf.

I asked someone who LOVES Costco when the best time to go was.  She said Monday morning at 10am.  Well, there you go.  I can go back in 10 years when I retire.




And once again I need to lose some weight.  Tried the weight watchers earlier this year.  It worked for a bit and then I gave up.  Why is it so damn hard??  I am one of the lucky women who has a husband that is tall and thin and can eat anything.  I am no taller than Winnie the Pooh here and always hearing from my doctor that my height and weight don’t mesh.   I’ve blamed it on baby weight but since my daughter turned 30 this year I guess that is no longer acceptable.   

So with that, I have been eating healthy, getting more protein and fiber and cutting portions.  And it has messed with my insides something fierce.   Bringing us back to the 70’s, we all remember using a public bathroom and there was that “old lady” that would come in, sit down and instantly pass gas LOUDLY!!  And we would giggle and giggle and then tell all our friends how gross it was.  How come these old ladies can’t hold it in?  What is wrong with them?  It’s a public restroom for crying out loud.   WELL……. Here I am!!  I HAVE BECOME THAT OLD LADY!!   Noises are sneaking out whenever they want and I can’t help it.

Oh the joys!!!  With that, here is the book I found at a thrift store.  Can’t wait to start it!!!’




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